Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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