When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I had to cum in my sink.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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