yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
