Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
