Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
