I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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