Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
honey bunches of taint.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
