Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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