I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
