I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Holy sore nipples Batman
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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