3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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