Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
