i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
