I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
