I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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