pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
please don't ironically join a cult
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