Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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