Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
