This girl is more easily done than said...
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Small penises have feelings too.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
