I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
