So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
