The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
