Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
