We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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