So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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