Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
