i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
