Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
