We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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