Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
