It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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