would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
