Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
