Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
