that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
