apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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