Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
