I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's blow job season.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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