just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
