I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
