Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
