I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
BRING THE BAGELS
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
