literally had 100 drinks last night.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
me + whiskey = a bad person
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
