She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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