She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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