Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
