i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
