A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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