if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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