Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
