Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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