you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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