Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You need a sexual gate keeper
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
