I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
two words...techno handjob
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
