What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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