dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
