i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
40s are totally the cure
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
