I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
