Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
